Clients come to see me because they cannot cope with a feeling, some aspect of their life or break a bad habit. In most cases they feel stuck, because they have a negative mindset. It stops them finding solutions to their problems and feeling better. I notice that they have zero belief in themselves and their ability to have a fulfilling life. It doesn’t take long for them to see that they need to change their mindset. That they are the obstacle to happiness. Not events or other people. Their first question is “I have had these thoughts and feelings all my life, can mindset be changed? Can you help me?”
Our mindset is a combination of what we have experienced and our beliefs. Most people do not think about them because their responses are automatic. They know that something is wrong . They are unhappy, or they want something different in their life. Our beliefs determine what we achieve, how we perform and how we feel about ourselves.
Our beliefs originate in early childhood and can change throughout our lives. Deeply embedded beliefs arise when we are very young (even as far back as when we were in the womb!) from the messages we received from our parents or other caregivers. Our parents communicate that we are not good enough in verbal and non-verbal ways. They give us labels, criticize us, and show how they feel about us in the way they care for us and what they expect of us.
When we start school we are further influenced by what our teachers and our peers say and treat us.
The beliefs and attitudes of our parents and the wider community can also limit us. Factors such as the size of the home and the neighbourhood where you grew up. Where you went to school and your accent can have an impact on the type of job and home you will have later in life.
I grew up during a time where all children took an exam at age 11. If you passed you went to the Grammar school where you prepared to enter university. If you failed you went to a Secondary Modern school after which you could expect to work in a shop, factory or office. About 2% of the pupils went on to higher education.
I failed because I didn’t even bother trying because I wasn’t expected to pass. My parents didn’t believe I would pass because my brother, who they thought was brighter than me, failed. I overheard them saying that because he had failed I stood no chance.
Children are influenced and limited by their parents beliefs about themselves. They will hear phrases such as “people like us can’t have……….”
How we feel about ourselves even influences who we attract as friends and lovers. Read my article Do You Keep Falling For The Wrong Type – Find Out Why
Our limiting beliefs hold us back. From having the courage to explore new opportunities. This reinforces the box that we find ourselves in. Our beliefs block us because deep down we don’t believe we’re capable of achieving what we want. Or even we don’t believe that we deserve to be happier than we are at the moment.
We learn our beliefs or we get them in childhood. They can be very powerful , and they can hold us back from seeing and then fulfilling our true potential.
In conclusion, the answer to the question “can mindset be changed” is yes . Read my article Are You Ready To Shed Your Past
I have helped many people change their mindset. Through coaching, hypnotherapy and NLP change techniques. I challenge limiting beliefs. I help the person to see things from a different perspective. To expand creative solution focused thinking styles. I help them to question the validity of messages they received growing up and to reframe those messages.
Hypnotherapy is a wonderful tool to help a person rehearse future behaviours. Then they can create new neural pathways to change how they think, feel, behave and perform. Like a chrysalis they shed their old way of being and emerge transformed.
Contact me today to book a complmentary exploratory zoom session so that I can learn what you are going through and how I can help you.
If you want to know more about how family life shapes who we are read “They F*** You Up. How To Survive Family Life by Oliver James.