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Re-Romanticize Your Relationship with Surprises and Fun

We can get into such a rut with the mundane minutiae things in life that can cause us to be bored with our partner.  Having fun and surprising each other can bring back the heady days of passion and romance.  

Regular caring behaviours from our partner make us feel good. But, the effectiveness of such behaviour begins to wane when it is predictable.

Many people fear change and the unknown. Yet we need a certain amount of random, unexpected input of new experiences. We need both comfort and excitement to feel fully alive.

Combining daily caring behaviours with surprises and fun brings back passion and romance.

If we listen carefully to our partner’s comments they can provide clues to his/her secret wishes and dreams. “My grandmother bakes the best oatmeal cookies”. “I haven’t seen a Bugs Bunny cartoon in years”, or “I’d love to go to a circus again someday” are examples of such comments.

Fun is a high-energy or intense activity that produces deep pleasure and/or laughter. It is our most important activity.

There is a direct correlation between our feelings of pleasure and our sense of safety with our partners.

Pleasure brings enlivenment – the awakening or re-awakening of our life force, our aliveness. The more pleasure we give each other, the more safety we feel together. The deeper our bond and the exchange of fun behaviours become more spontaneous.

Fun Activities

  • telling jokes
  • dancing to compelling music
  • massage
  • sex

Passive activities such as 
Watching TV or
reading together
will probably not produce this exuberant, energizing effect.

Competitive activities such as
Tennis
Golf
qualify as fun only if we can engage in it without stirring up tension.

Some people may have difficulty in engaging in fun activities. Such as if the relationship is conflicted. There may also be unconscious resistance to fun carried over from childhood.
Behavioural change is uncomfortable. But if we act differently, we will feel differently.
The challenge is to do what you don’t feel like doing to create a different result.

Steps to Surprising Your Partner

  • Create a list of things you could do for your partner that would be especially pleasing to him or her
    This could be from:-
    memories of things that have pleased your partner in the past
    from hints and offhanded comments your partner has made.

    Do not guess. This is a list of target-specific Surprises. Things you know would please your partner, not things you think he or she wants.

    Keep this list hidden from your partner at all times.

Choose one item from your list to surprise your partner with every week.
Keep track of what you have done and when.
Try not to fall into a predictable partner. For example, Surprises given every Saturday soon become routine and even expected.

Continually add to your list of Surprises for your partner; This is an ongoing process.
When you receive a Surprise from your partner, acknowledge it appreciatively.

Steps to initiate Fun Behaviours

Make a list of exciting, high-energy, Fun activities you would like to do with your partner.

Fun is behaviour that:-

  • needs no skill
  • Has no rules
  • can’t be done wrong
  • causes a belly laugh, and
  • can produce a beneficial, energizing effect in just a few minutes.

    Eg dancing, wrestling, showers together, sex, massage, jumping up and down, water fighting.

Include activities that:-

  • involve pleasurable body contact
  • include ways you remember having Fun with other children when you were a child.
  • include ways you had fun with your partner when you were in the romantic phase of your relationship.

Use your imagination, and make up ways to have Fun with your partner.

Share your list with your partner and create a mutual list of fun activities that combines all your ideas.
With your partner, pick one activity on your combined list and schedule when this is to happen.

If taking part in such activities feels uncomfortable, do this exercise anyway. Until having Fun begins to feel familiar and, thus, safe.

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