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Where Relationships Go Wrong

Many people only start to become conscious about their relationship when things go wrong.  It's hard to move on from toxicity in a relationship.  Better to avoid the pitfalls up front.  

Here are 7 things that can cause problems in your relationship.

  1. Telling Lies erodes trust which will make your partner feel unsafe
  2. Not showing appreciation for the things that your partner does. Little things like :-

    "I appreciate how you Mother our children"
    "That you bring me coffee every morning"
    "That you listen to my work frustrations"
    "That you pick up the dog poo"
    "That you put the bins out"

    Makes your partner feel that they are appreciated.
    Commit to finding one appreciation for your partner every day!

  3. Family can be the source of tension in a relationship.
    Avoid criticizing and judging your partner's family.
    Explain how you feel and tell your partner how they can support you.
    If your partner has a frustration with your family do your best to understand.
  4. Trying to change your partner is like telling them that they are not good enough.
  5. Physical and emotional abuse might give you a sense that you have control.  It won't bring you love and affectiion!
  6. Avoiding difficult issues doesn't solve anything or keep the peace.
    Anger and resentment simmers below the surface.

    Some people use busyness as an excuse to take them away from their partner.
    They are exits that helps them to reduce or avoid talking with their partner.
    We call this an "invisible divorce".

    If you want to commit to and restore connection with your partner then the exits need to be closed so that your relationship becomes primary.

    examine your activities - identify and make a list of your current exits that drain energy from your relationship
    ie staying late at work, spending every free minute with the children, sitting on committees, cleaning etc.
  7. The humdrum existence of daily life also makes you lose connection with each other.
    It can feel as if you are on a treadmill living parallel lives.

    watching tv
    social media
    and other commitments can be overwhelming and take you away from each other.

    Prioritizing and scheduling
    time together away from distractions restores connection.
    Date nights
    participating in shared hobbies
    going to the cinema
    having dinner or coffee
    are some examples of how to allocate time together.

When things do go wrong you can waste a lot of energy blaming, criticizing and judging each other.  Rather take the time to create behaviours to restore connection.



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