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How To Solve Conflict With Your Partner

When we are upset with our partner typically we will blame, criticize and judge each other.  Then we defend ourselves by counter-attacking or withdrawing.  
Which causes disconnection and is dysfunctional.

When people are hurt or angry with their partner they blame, criticize and judge each other.  Then our partner instinctively protects him/herself by either withdrawing or by counter-attacking. In turn we may further attack, sulk and/or withdraw and we reach an impasse which we call the Power Struggle. 

There will always be frustrations in a relationship.  This doesn't mean that we are with the wrong partner.  Each person comes together with their individual past and hurts with behaviours that we adopted to protect ourselves. We call this unconscious reactivity. 

A couple may seek solace outside of the relationship. In work, affairs, addictions, children. And the source of their conflicts are never addressed. The issue isn’t about the things we fight about such as coming home late, being untidy or not talking. But rather the effects of such behaviour and a need that isn’t being met.

Communicating and behaving in this way is dysfunctional. It causes disconnection in our relationships.

Imago Relationship Counselling provides a structure so that you can solve conflict and stay connected.

When you commit to new ways of relating you have an awakening which brings new awareness. You can see the “other” with all that this entails. Their pain, vulnerability and wounding. As well as unmet needs.

The Imago dialogue is a tool that provides structure and safety. To ask for what you need, express how you feel and yet stay connected

You move from unconscious relating to consciousness and intentional behaviours.

A relationship is like a spiral, repeating the stages of love.
The experience of rupture, repair and connection.

You enter through the doorway of romantic love, then:

  • hit the power struggle
  • make the choice to re-commit, do the work, awaken to yourself and each other and
  • then experience real love
  • which throws you back into romantic love.

Each time around the rupture feels less catastrophic. The repair happens faster and the connection feels greater.

Ultimately the emotions connected with a power struggle become less toxic to the relationship. As understanding, curiosity and compassion grow.

Contact me today for your first session of Imago Relationship Counselling so that you can learn new ways of expressing frustrations so that you can stay connected with your partner.

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