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Get The Love You Crave

Are you dissatisfied with your relationships?  Do you keep attracting the same kind of pain?  Imago Relationship Counselling helps you to understand why this happens and how you can change it so that you can get the love that you crave.

Imago Relationship Counselling holds that childhood wounding impacts on our intimate relationships.
For most of us this means that we emerge from childhood:-

  • with some basic needs insufficiently fulfilled
  • with our adaptive styles firmly established
  • with some areas of our functioning repressed or undeveloped

We carry the wounding as we enter into intimate relationships. Unconsciously:-

  • We are attracted to people who evoke in us similar feelings to those we had in childhood
  • Our partner often functions fully in the areas where we have shut down our functioning
    Eg. If we gave up dreaming and being creative to be accepted by our childhood caretakers, we will often attract someone who is a dreamer.

At the beginning of the relationship we may not notice these traits. We might even find them attractive but this does not last.

  • The power struggle follows when people try to get their unfulfilled needs from childhood met by a person who cannot meet them.
    Their partner cannot meet them because of their own wounding. These trigger in us the the negative feelings of childhood.
  • The survival adaptations of one partner cause pain to the other, who defends him/herself.
  • The defence causes pain to the other partner, who defends him/herself, thus establishing a vicious cycle of defence and re-wounding
  • When we see in the other the capacities we repressed, they trigger anxiety and we try to repress them
  • To get out of the pain of the power struggle, many of us end the relationship. We may turn to other people and activities (eg lovers, children, work, addictions) to try to feel better.
  • The conflict of the power struggle is growth trying to happen. This stage is meant to be reached but is not meant to last.

We can change our relationship. But we will only attract another partner who evokes in us the same negative feelings from childhood.

Or we can learn to become conscious of our own:-

  • unfulfilled needs from childhood
  • disowned and denied areas of functioning
  • survival adaptations and how these trigger pain in our partners.

Then we can:-

  • develop and implement a personal growth plan to take back the capacities we had to give up in childhood
  • learn and use skills to relate in ways that are consistent with our intentions, rather than our primitive survival directives.
  • let go of old relationship hurts and old reactive ways of being in a relationship.
  • learn to be safe and healing partners
  • learn to empathically understand and accept others. While inviting them to grow into their fullest potential
  • grow back into our full potential to meet our partners’ unfulfilled needs
  • work through our resistance to receiving the love we want

Imago Relationship Counselling helps you to:-

understand yourself and,
develop new skills to relate consciously in intimate relationships

Book a no obligation complimentary remote session so that I can get an understanding of what you are going through and how I can help.

 


 

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